jdnd/mini/fearsome-critters.md

# Introduction

Once upon a time, the Lumberjacks of North America had a
tradition: they would haze new lumberjacks by telling them
deliberately implausible stories about made-up monsters
living in the woods.  The goal, of course, would be to
convince a naive new lumberjack that one of these "fearsome
critters" actually exists.  It is from this tradition that
we get some of the silliest creatures of American folklore,
including the Jackalope, the Snipe, the Hodag, and more.
This one-shot is inspired by those lumberjacks.

Credit must also be given to Benji Cook of Tale Foundry,
whose youtube video on fearsome critters opened my eyes
to all this.

## The Village of Green Hollow

Green Hollow is a small farming village with about 50
families total.  It is made up of equal numbers of humans
and halflings, living together peacefully.

This village has a pranking tradition: whenever strangers
come to town, the villagers haze the newcomers with
ridiculous stories about silly monsters.  They even try to
hire the strangers to "save us" - they offer absurd sums of
money for the head of the creature, which of course, doesn't
exist, so there's no risk of having to pay out.

A few days ago, a gnomish illusionist named Osric Wobblecap
came to town.  The villagers told him about the 'bang-beaks' -
large purple birds with blunderbuss snouts.  Osric
immediately realized this was a joke, but he was even more
of a prankster than the villagers, so he played along.  He
went out into the woods, ostensibly to "hunt the
bang-beaks." In reality, Osric's plan was to hide in the
woods until a villager came along, and then conjure
illusionary bang-beaks to terrorize the villager.

What none of these people know is that twenty years ago, an
oversized rabbit with amethyst eyes stumbled through a
portal from the faerie realms into this mortal world.  A
witness from Green Hollow spotted the rabbit, ran home, and
told everyone what he saw.  The villagers thought it was an
elaborate joke.  They christened the rabbit a "pink-eye."
Then, the villagers invented critters of their own,
thereby starting the tradition that lives to this day.

The pink-eye, whose name is Buttercup, is still out there in
the woods, as is Osric Wobblecap, the illusionist prankster.

## Getting Started

This is an adventure (or farce) for 5 PCs of level 2.  It's not
difficult to adjust it for a different number, by simply
increasing or descreasing the number of opponents in fights.

If this is being run as a one-shot, then it is probably best
to pre-create the characters.

The PCs are an adventuring party that traveled far from home
on rumors of treasure in an old tomb.  Unfortunately, the
tomb turned out to be picked over. Now the PCs are broke and
they need money.

They are traveling east along the road, and they see a
village in the distance.  It is a place where they can buy
rations, and where they may be able to make a buck.

The village is to the east.  To the north, there is a
densely wooded area.

## The Rabbit Hole

As the PCs walk along the road toward Green Hollow, they
encounter a hole about the size of a manhole cover.  Do not
tell the PCs that it is a rabbit hole.

If the PCs search, they can find traces of soft brown fur. A
very difficult DC20 survival roll can tell the PCs that it
is rabbit hair. If a PC enters the hole, they can find a
network of tunnels connected to small chambers.  Nobody is
inside.

The hole is dangerous to enter because it requires crawling,
and because tunnels can collapse and suffocation is a real
risk.  Give the PCs fair warning. If a PC risks it, have him
roll acrobatics against a DC 6. A failure means partial
tunnel collapse.  The PCs then have to scramble to figure
out how to get the person out before he suffocates.  Be
merciful.

## The Sound of Gunshots

A villager named Sam Cobb (human) has wandered into Osric
Wobblecap's trap: illusionary bang-beaks are firing at him!
The PCs can hear the "bang-bang-bang" of illusionary
gunshots from the wooded area to the north.

Have the PCs make arcana rolls to identify the sound, DC 12.
If they fail, tell them they hear "loud banging noises", if
they succeed, they hear "gunshots."

On a successful arcana roll, also tell the PCs this: in this
world, most people know about the existence of guns, but
guns aren't common.  Pretty much the only people who keep
guns are people who know how to make their own gunpowder,
and that's not many people.

If they make a DC 15 on the arcana roll, also tell them
this: in this world, guns are muzzle-loaded, and that's a
slow process. That means a gun cannot fire multiple shots in
rapid succession.  If you hear "bang-bang-bang," there must
be multiple guns.

If the PCs ask if they can intervene, tell them the sound
is far away, and coming from the woods, and therefore
it is impractical to pinpoint the source.

## First Impressions of Green Hollow

The village gives the impression of being a healthy
community that is experiencing economic good times.  Most of
the buildings look pretty well maintained.

Let the PCs take care of miscellaneous business like
resupplying, and if they want, let them talk to passers-by.
Eventually, funnel the PCs toward "Hugh's Public House."

This inn has a small common room with six tables, a door to
the kitchen, and a door to the sleeping quarters.  in the
back, there are three sleeping rooms: one for Hugh the
innkeeper (human), and two for guests.

## The Hazing Ritual

Inside the public house, one table has three occupants: Ray
the mayor (halfling), Jory the baker (human), and Anna the
weaver (human).  Another table has just one occupant: Cora
the miller (hafling).  Hugh the innkeeper in in the back.

As soon as Ray sees the PCs enter, he stands up and waves
them over.  "Hey!  I see you have swords.  Do you know how
to use them?"  If the PCs say they know how to fight, Ray
says, "Thank goodness.  We're in trouble, we need a group of
fighters."

"The only one of us who even has a sword is Sam Cobb, but he
doesn't know how to use it. Every time he gets scared he
just thrashes his sword around wildly.  He's a danger to
himself and others. So you can see why we need some real
fighters."

"You see, the woods to the north are important to us.  We
hunt for game, we gather building materials, and we gather
firewood.  But now we can't go in the woods because of the
bang-beaks."

"You don't know about bang-beaks?  They're big purple birds,
about this high (taller than a halfling), and they have
a beak shaped like a blunderbuss, which fires shrapnel.
Very dangerous.  Anna here barely made it out alive from
one of their ambushes.  We'll give you 500gp to bring
back their heads."

If the PCs question Anna about that ambush, Anna is flustered:
she doesn't have a story prepared.  Make something up on
the spot, but don't be too smooth about it.  Make it semi-
obvious that her story isn't entirely consistent.

If the PCs ask whether bang-beaks dig holes, the villagers
sieze on it: "Yes, they do.  They dive through the earth
and emerge on the other side of the battlefield."

If the PCs ask any questions that are both skeptical and
funny, have the PCs make a DC 15 perception check.  On a
success, they overhear a snort of laughter from Cora's
table.  If the PCs question Cora, she simply refuses to
answer: "This isn't my business."  "No, really, I'm not
getting involved!"

It is necessary that the story falls apart under questioning.
There are many clues:

* Bang-beaks are ridiculous on their face  
* Peasant villagers do not have 500gp  
* Anna's story is confusing and inconsistent  
* Cora's laughter is a giveaway  

The storytellers are stubborn, but when the PCs
question them with sufficient intensity, they finally fold.
Cora says "Jig's up, Ray, they're onto you."  At that point,
the villagers *finally* admit it's a joke.

## The Arrival of Sam Cobb

Shortly after the PCs have revealed the hazing to be a
prank, the door of the inn slams open and in comes Sam Cobb,
thrashing his sword around wildly.  He is still in a panic
from his encounter with Osric's illusionary bang-beaks.  He
screams, "the bang-beaks are real!  They actually exist!
Look, one of them shot me!"  He points to a sizeable patch
of blood on his pants.

Naturally, the villagers are confused: they don't know
if this is more hazing, but they do see that Sam is bleeding,
so they focus on that.

Sam's wound is actually self-inflicted.  He saw three of
Osric's illusionary bang-beaks, panicked, ran, tripped,
fell, got up, ran some more, tripped again, got up again,
and finally made it back. Somewhere in that mad scramble he
cut his leg with his own sword, and he didn't even notice,
he was in such a panic. If asked, Sam will retell all this
fairly accurately, omitting that he cut himself (since he
didn't even know he did).

If the PCs investigate the cut, they discover two things:
there's no bullet or shrapnel in the wound, and it looks
more like a slashing wound than a puncture wound.
Healing Sam's wound is easy, it's only 1hp of damage.

Sam insists that the bang-beaks are real.  It is obvious
to anyone talking to him that at the very least, *Sam* believes
he is telling the truth.  If confronted with the fact that
his wound doesn't look like a bullet wound, he is willing
to admit that it might be self-inflicted.  But nonetheless,
he is still 100% sure he saw bang-beaks.

Ray is unsure what to make of all this, but he says to the
PCs, "okay, this time for real: I'll give you 10gp to guard
us while we investigate.  I'll give you another 10gp if you
actually have to fight.  I can also promise you supplies,
and we can mend your clothes and maintain your weapons."

Presumably, the PCs agree (remind them that they're
desperately broke).  They head off into the woods,
accompanied by Ray and Anna.

## First Encounter with Buttercup

The group crests a hill and sitting there, plain as day, is
Buttercup, the pink-eye rabbit.  He is the coloration of
a typical wild rabbit (tan/brown), and is about the size of a
labrador retriever.  His eyes are cut gemstones made of
amethyst.  Anyone who sees them must make a wisdom save DC
14, or fall into a daze.  The villagers, Ray and Anna, fail
their saves.  Anyone who falls into a daze will not remember
the encounter.  To wake up, either 1 minute must pass, or
somebody has to shake you awake.

> Buttercup  
>
> Large Fey, Neutral  
>
> Armor Class: 14  
> Hit Points: 45 (6d10+12)  
> Speed: 50 ft., Burrow 30 ft.  
> STR 16 (+3) | DEX 14 (+2) | CON 14 (+2) | INT 11 (+0) | WIS 14 (+2) | CHA 12 (+1)  
> Languages: Common, Sylvan  
> Senses: Darkvision 60 ft., Passive Perception 12  
>
> Actions  
>
> Amethyst Gaze (Recharge 5–6). Each creature of the Great Pink-Eye's choice within 60 feet that
> can see its eyes must succeed on a DC 14 Wisdom saving throw or become dazed for 1 minute.
>
> Drill-Hop (Recharge 4–6). Buttercup launches himself straight upward, spins
> furiously, drills into the ground, and moves 30ft underground, leaving behind a tunnel.

Buttercup, like most rabbits, is very skittish around people.
When he sees the party, he shouts "Oh, Shit!" in sylvan.
Then, he leaps straight up in the air, spins like a tornado,
and comes straight down, drilling into the earth.  What
remains is a rabbit hole just like the one the PCs saw
earlier.

Buttercup can dig *very* fast.  By the time the PCs
investigate the hole, Buttercup is long gone.

## Encounter with Bang-Beaks

The PCs explore a bit more, and eventually encounter three
of Osric's illusionary bang-beaks.  The bang-beak is a large
purple bird, with a big purple crest of feathers.  Its beak
is shaped like a blunderbuss, incuding the trigger (but not
the stock).  Osric himself is up a tree, invisible.

Have the PCs roll initiative, and also roll initiative for
three bang-beaks.  Conduct the fight as if the bang-beaks
were normal monsters, not illusions.  The two villagers
hide behind a tree, and the bang-beaks leave them alone.

> Bang-Beak  
>
> Medium Monstrosity, Unaligned  
> 
> Armor Class 13  
> Hit Points 27 (5d8+5)  
> Speed 30 ft., Burrow 20 ft.  
>
> STR 14 (+2), DEX 14 (+2), CON 12 (+1), INT 2 (-4), WIS 12 (+1), CHA 6 (-2)
>
> Skills Perception +3  
> Senses Darkvision 60 ft., Tremorsense 30 ft., Passive Perception 13  
>
> Challenge 1 (200 XP)
>
> Scatterblast Beak (Recharge 5-6). The Bang-Beak fires a blast of stones, dirt, and bone fragments
> from its oversized blunderbuss-shaped beak. Creatures in a 15-foot cone must make a DC 12 Dexterity
> saving throw, taking 2d8 piercing damage on a failed save, or half as much on a successful one.
>
> Peck. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target.  Hit: 7 (1d10+2) piercing damage.
>
> Burrowing Dash.  As part of its movement, the bang-beak can plunge underground, and reemerge anywhere
> within 20ft.  This does provoke attacks of opportunity if somebody is standing next to the bang-beak
> when it plunges.

During the fight, the PCs are likely to take a lot of damage.  Once a
player has sustained at least half of their HP in damage, they get to
make a perception roll on their turn, DC 15.  On a success, they notice
that the wounds don't hurt as much as they ought to, and they get 3 HP
back.

If the PCs kill a bang-beak, it pops like a balloon, scattering purple
feathers everywhere.

A few minutes after the battle ends, the purple feathers fade away,
as do all wounds.  The PCs get all their HP back.  None of it was real.

## Osric Spies

At this point, the following facts are known:

* It should be obvious that the bang-beaks were illusions.

* It is unclear if the rabbit is also an illusion.

* The rabbit-holes are definitely not illusions, which suggests
  that the rabbit isn't an illusion either.

* The rabbit speaks sylvan, so that strongly suggests fey.

* Fey use a lot of illusions, so the rabbit may be
  responsible for the illusions.

Ideally, your PCs should be discussing all this.  If necessary,
use the villagers Anna and Ray to prompt conversation.  While
the PCs discuss all this, Osric is spying from up in the tree.

Hearing the PCs discuss all this, Osric thinks to himself,
"A rabbit with gemstone eyes?  Fun!  Something new to
conjure."

As the discussion winds down, Anna and Ray excuse themselves.
They've had enough.  Ray thanks the PCs for dealing with the
bang-beaks, and he says to the PCs: "I'd appreciate if you
were to keep investigating.  If you do, be aware: in that
direction over there is the deep woods.  There are wolves
in there.  Not a joke, just plain regular wolves.  Be
careful."

## The Mystery Unfolds

After the PCs begin exploring again, give them a few minutes
before Osric attacks again, this time with an illusory
giant rabbit.  This rabbit looks different from Buttercup:
it is bigger, all white, very fluffy, and has emerald eyes.  Osric
got the basic information from the PCs, but no details, so
he's inventing details on the spot.

The white rabbit jumps out from behind a bush, and roars
like a tiger.  It dives at one PC, plows straight through,
and knocks them prone.  Roll for initiative.

After one round of combat, Buttercup emerges from a bush and
shouts (in sylvan) "OH MY GOD ITS A GIRL I HAVEN'T SEEN A
GIRL IN TWENTY YEARS!"  Buttercup charges straight at the
white rabbit.  Osric is so stunned that he loses
concentration on the illusion, and the white rabbit vanishes,
as does any damage it caused.

Buttercup runs around the clearing shouting "WHERE DID SHE
GO?  WHERE'S THE GIRL!  BRING HER BACK!"  He tornado-dives
underground, then pops up again shouting, "SHE'S NOT
UNDERGROUND!  WHERE IS SHE?  SHE COULD BE A MATE!  WHERE IS
SHE?"  He's running around frantically, in a panic.

At this point, the PCs can try talking to Buttercup.
Buttercup will calm down and become despondent - he really
is lonely.  He came through the portal twenty years ago, and
has had no contact with his people since then. Specifically,
no contact with girl rabbits, which he's quite upset about.

By speaking with buttercup, the PCs can learn how all this
came to pass: Buttercup came through a portal from Faerie.
As soon as he emerged, he was attacked by wolves, and he had
to flee in a panic.  He's not exactly sure where the portal
is, but he's pretty sure it's in the deep woods, in wolf
territory.  He doesn't dare look for it - a rabbit can't
fight wolves.

At this point, Osric drops down from the tree, and
introduces himself with a flourish: "Osric Wobblecap,
master illusionist, at your service."  He also says to
Buttercup, "pleased to make your aquaintance, mr Rabbit."  
If questioned, he explains his role in all this.  
If somebody blames him, he says it was all justified since
the villagers pranked him first, and he has every right to
prank them back.  And, after all, he didn't actually hurt
anyone.

## The Deep Woods

At this point, the mystery is solved.  There's
only one thing left to do: help Buttercup, if desired.
The PCs can enter the deep woods, clear out or scare off
the wolves, and find the portal.

The portal is in the middle of a clearing in the
deep woods.  Before the PCs get to the clearing,
they will encounter 7 wolves.  Use the stat block
from the monster manual.  This is a normal fight, no
weirdness.  The wolves will flee if seriously injured.

The clearing is full of enormous trees, with trunks some 10
feet across and 100 feet high. The trees all have heaps of
flower bushes at their bases, the flower bushes rise well
over a person's head.

The trees all look the same, but one has an opening in the
base.  This is the portal.  The opening is entirely covered
by mounds of flower bushes.

One way to find the right tree is to use detect good/evil.
This can also detect faerie influences.  Another approach
is just to start digging through flowers.

As soon as Buttercup sees the portal, he runs straight
at it.  As he runs, he says, "Thank you so much!  I can't
wait to see a girl!"  Then he vanishes into the portal.

## Final Notes

Back in the village, an elderly villager approaches the
PC, and tells the story of how her husband saw the pink-eye
in the woods, and how nobody believed him, and how that
started the tradition of silly-monster stories.  She says,
"at least he's vindicated now, rest his soul."

The villagers are true to their word: they pay the agreed
20gp, plus an extra 10gp for the additional investigation,
and they supply everything they can - clean clothes,
sharpened swords, and so forth.  They even apologize for the
prank.

## Copyright Notice

This adventure is Copyright 2026 Joshua Yelon.  I plan to
publish this properly at some point, so please respect
that.  But of course, you're more than welcome to use it
to play!